Til it’s Gone
©Del Antonio
They say that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone
Truth is
You knew exactly who I was
You just never thought I would be gone
Here’s a poof
For your thoughts
See I wasn’t some robot
Or some iPhone iDel
That came with an upgrade
Like something may change and you couldn’t tell
I was the same ol dude
Keeping it 100
And doing all that I could for you
You knew that
You just didn’t know how to pull back
From all your bullshit
And I don’t play football
So I won’t be your runner back
I’m gone
I’m out of here
Consider me a rocket traveling light years
Adios in my most Spanish voice
Deuces now I’m on my Chris brown course
Go find you a wishing well
And wish well
Like the strength to move on
The power to go on
Without me
Don’t doubt me
I won’t be back
There isn’t another chance
On earth, in heaven
Not even in hell
Can you tell
I’m over you
I’m gone
Like some wind
That for the people in the closest 30 mile radius that have to warn
I’m gone
So don’t sing Janet Jackson’s song
Don’t know what you got til it’s gone
Because you knew
You just chose you
And now that I choose me
Ha! You play football
Because you keep running back to me
Our Demons
©Del Antonio
Our demons tore us apart
The very thing we couldn’t stay away from
Kept us from
Where we belonged
I couldn’t keep my Dick in my pants
And he couldn’t keep his legs closed
We had several threesomes
And groups, so much fun
But we loved each other
We just liked fucking others
And we were cool with it
It was cool
It was just sex
No feelings no regrets
No rules
Men weren’t made to be monogamous sexually
The heart belongs to one
But the body is free
We both believed
In this motto, this creed
We lived by it
We swore by it
I was obsessed with him
He was infatuated with me
We were in love
Deeply and passionately
Sexually roaming earth literally
I mean we fucked dudes in Brazil
Italy, the UK, in Asia
Omg the thrills
Some couldn’t even speak English
Did I mention
The set of twins we did
One top, one bottom
We had them
They had us
It was hot
We definitely had memories
And didn’t plan to stop
But like anything heavily indulged in
Things went too far
We pushed the limit
I’m talking like comets passed stars
Everything crashed
Ended fast
It was like cumming
after 15 minutes of humping
It was just over
No warnings
No do overs
We had stop paying attention to love
To our affection
To our hearts
We had moved far
From who and what we use to be
We had souled out sexually
So caught up in the lust of things
We left behind many things
Mainly us
And here we are strangers now
We shared so much of us with many guys
Fucking them and laying next to each other afterwards
We use to hold each other
Then things got backwards
I didn’t hold you
You didn’t hold me
We would shower and get in the bed separately
I would be on my ipad
And you would be smoking a blunt
We stopped saying goodnight
Only words exchanged was
That was fun
And it was
But we were dying
Blinding
Our eyes
Only saw the next sex
We stopped
Our love placed in the box titled forget
Our demons tore us apart
The very thing we couldn’t stay away from
Kept us from
Where we belonged
Now two heavily sexed
Lonely hearts
I use to think about everything that was wrong with me and bask in. I would consistently pick me apart and rip me a new one thinking about how imperfect I was. It was hard to say I like who I am. This lasted for years. I would get compliments and would hear I was talented but it meant nothing because I didn’t agree nor see what they saw. But I realize I am who I am and there was at least something I was good at and there was at least one thing I was good at. And from there I begin to build a little confidence, self esteem, and self assurance. I begin to crack a smile at Del. Now I smile at Del showing all my teeth lol because I love him. I love the things I’m good at and I’m ok with things I’m not so good at. I learned it’s ok and furthermore I’m not alone, other people have strengths and just as many weaknesses. God said I was wonderfully made, I wrote this down and read it daily, I repeated it to myself until I believed it wholeheartedly. It was and still is a journey because people like to tell you how flawed you are! People like to attack and guess what even that is ok because with each attack is my opportunity to love Del harder and I see the importance of having my own back. People look at me and have no idea what I have conquered. I don’t write for a hobby I write because God tells me what to say to help people. I encourage the ones out there trying to find a reason or more reasons to love themselves that hey, take it day by day. Rediscover you, redefine you – you and no one else. I love you and so does God. I’m an example that you can overcome unhealthy behaviors and love yourself. You can find beauty in what you use to hate. It’s possible. Most of all God loves you.
Fitted and J’s
©Del Antonio
Got my fitted and my J’s
It takes me far
Being masculine gets you a long way
When your gay
They say it’s a rare breed
And if you’re a total top
You’re in high demand yes indeed
But when you stacked
From front to back
It confuses the masses
Some people may say you have meat
Others say damn that ass
It’s a game to play
As the old song sings
Shorty swing my way
I don’t have to work hard
In my fitted and J’s
A gay man’s dream
I can get anyone on my team
I don’t need commitment
Just an investment
Keep the sentiments
I’m a bad boi
Playing by bad boi rules
And let’s be clear
You don’t care to know me
You just like the image of me and you
I stay in the gym
You can catch me there twice a day
I get it in
Competition can be thick
This is Atlanta home of the gays
And if I want my leading roles
I need my fitted and my J’s
So cliche’
But it works
Catch me in the club
Masculinely grooving
Real men don’t twerk
And maybe that was up for debate
But I didn’t play
I didn’t take any chances
I wasn’t having it
I have to be on my shit
Nothing like being everyone’s number one draft pick
So I never leave the house without
My fitted and J’s on
It’s something about the love I get
And it keeps my spotlight on
And you know I like to be on
I have to be on
My passport’s been stamped on
Taking trips around the world
All expenses paid
And weed to keep me high
You only travel for gay prides
You judge me
You hate me
Because I’m afforded opportunities that never come your way
Catch me in my fitted and my J’s
Muscles popping
Body stacked
Nothing your stopping
Hate when I enter the room
No man is safe, not yours
Hell not even you
Cause I be so fly
I be so dope
You want a hit of the kid
But for me what can you do
It’s a price to pay
To dance with the devil this way
But I do what I got to do
Can’t live a mediocre life like you
Call me shallow
But I got what you want
I can produce receipts
You only produce a front
This is the Black American Gay Way
A sex god desired by all
You can catch me downtown in my fitted and J’s y’all
Creating a life that most will only read about
Tasting foods that would never reach your mouth
Bad Bois get it all
I keep my body banging
I’m well traveled
I keep it together y’all
I see you chasing waterfalls
Stick to the rivers and lakes that you use to
You can live vicariously through my Instagram photos
I know you already do
So I stay on
So they can keep me on
Here I stand slightly bow legged
With my fitted and J’s on
