Be Alright

Posted: October 22, 2014 in Uncategorized

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Be Alright
©Del Antonio
I promise I’ll be alright
I promise I’ll keep the fight
I know that’s what you’d want
For me to make right of all wrong
I watched you served so hard
And when I think of this part
I tear up real bad
I miss you so, it’s so sad
Even though I needed you
God called for you
I knew that you were leaving too
It hurts not having you
You gave so much to me
You were my only real best friend
I told you everything
You were my everything
Sometimes alone at night
I toss and turn left and right
I can’t accept the truth
My God I miss you
One more last call
Even then it wouldn’t be enough
To prepare me for everyday
Everyday I can’t hear you say
Hey Tony I was thinking of you
So glad you called me too
Life is so hard
Man I hate this part
I promise I’ll be alright
Your grand kids will be alright
And the great grands alright
We doing the best we can
Trying to walk without your hand
I feel you watching me
I want to make you proud of me
But sometimes I’m so mad
Then I get so sad
I cry in my room
I just really miss you
I want to hear your voice
I want you to teach me more
But I know I will be alright
Granny I’m going to be alright
I close my eyes and see your eyes
And your girls
My mom and my aunts
It’s different for us all
Their grieving hard too
We all just miss you
Everyday is a new day
But the pain doesn’t go away
I’m not the only one
We all feel alone some
We just want to see you
We still need you
But I promise will be alright
Granny will be alright
You are the biggest part of my life
You were the most impacting in our life

15% of Del

Posted: October 22, 2014 in Uncategorized

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15% of Del
©Del Antonio
I’ve been waiting for the most of me
To wake up
To snap out of it
To come back to me
But he’s been stuck
He’s still processing Granny’s gone
Granny is gone
Wait, granny is gone
I’m running off 15% of who I use to be
I try to remember my old routine
Hoping the Del Antonio everyone knows
Would surface back to me
But it’s been a couple of months
And since Granny has been gone
Del has been gone
Conversations change
He doesn’t even want to know anyone’s name
Everything leaves he feels
So he doesn’t get attached
And don’t won’t anyone attached to me
It’s going to hurt at the end of the day
And everyone promises to stay
But we can’t control
The go of anyone we love
I keep my beard because it was last she knew me to be
She was everything to me
I’m running off 15% of the old Del
Has anyone seen Del
He’s still at his grandmothers burial
With overwhelming feelings
It’s hurting him
He’s stuck
That was his love
And people don’t get it
They come to me with old Del talks
And I’m like
He’s not here with me
I’m running off 15% of the Del everyone use to know
Has anyone seen our Del Antonio

Being In Love

Posted: October 3, 2014 in Blog

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I’m beginning to feel as if being in love is about the complete dive into the essence of love. It’s about releasing all fear, caution and hesitations and surrendering your entire being to another being. It’s not about holding them accountable for your happiness or any other emotion. It allows that other person to be who they are and to be committed to the totality of them. Doesn’t mean it’s perfect or they do everything right. Being in love is about a true vow and commitment to indulging in each other with free will. I’m still learning. I’m still loving

My Dude

Posted: October 3, 2014 in Blog

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I’m territorial about my dude
I require attention from my dude
You don’t have to be physically in my space but I like to feel connected
I’m an emotional guy and I like to discuss our emotions – you have to be a communicator
I’ll protect you from the world but I need to know I could cry to you too
I’m spoiled, pleasing and thoughtful
I will write about you, do paintings inspired by you and dance for you
If you only Love Me

The Black culture stand on BODY PICS

Posted: October 3, 2014 in Blog

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Let’s discuss this: it’s my opinion that the black culture is very judgmental, negative and creates a lot of self hate, self doubt and fear. When someone posts a shirtless pic or a pic in their underwear it’s typical for most blacks to think one of the following; he wants attention, he’s a whore, he doesn’t respect himself, he will never get in a relationship, leave something to the imagination- it’s extremely rare that someone says artistically speaking that’s a nice pic or that’s so dope he’s comfortable in his akin or admire his freedom. I have had people tell me I’m showing too much skin?!?! I’m giving off the wrong impression (as if I was trying to give an impression to begin with). I don’t need the attention from the masses and if a picture dictates sexual behavior (that’s a very ignorant way of thinking) I myself use to be so insecure about my body and now I have fallen in love with. It’s art to me. I have watched it become so many shapes and sizes and I admire it and I capture it in a pic. It just concerns me that the average black person’s mentality is so saturated with judgment. Why can’t people just say hey wow that’s so nice he loves his body or he’s comfortable in his skin – why does it have to be he’s a hoe and he wants attention etc. Your thoughts?

The Grown Up Hurt Kid

Posted: October 3, 2014 in Blog

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It’s a beautiful thing when the hurt younger you grows up. Most of is have experienced some childhood pain even trauma and we became stuck right there. We latched on to the pain and didn’t move, and probably didn’t know how to get passed it. But there’s healing available to us Thank GOD! I was healed of some things and so were other people who went through their adult life to carrying the hurt 5,7,12, 16 year old them. Can you imagine every now and then reverting to that kid in response to adult situations. God watched over me, healed me and gave me a gift to help others heal through art. #BeautifulRuins

Beautiful Ruins

Posted: October 3, 2014 in Poems (c)

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Beautiful Ruins
©Del Antonio
Beautiful ruins
Beautifully ruined
What happened to me
What happened to you
You’re just a product of hurt
And so you hurt me too
Mr Molester
Raper of my innocence
Planting seeds of sexual preference
Even though I didn’t know how to prefer any of it
You took it
Taught wrongs
Learned harm
Who damaged you
Because you damaged me
My childhood problems should be which GI Joe do I play with
Not why is he touching me
Why is he grinding on me
Pressing his body on me
You are ruining me
My innocence, don’t take it please
That’s your wee wee
You’re not suppose to put it on me
We’re family, you’re my cousin
I can’t afford this
I don’t want to be ruined
We shouldn’t be screwing
I’m a kid
Hey! I’m just a kid
Get off me
I said so silently
But you didn’t hear me
You just continued to use me
Ruin me
And I grew up
Carrying the curiosity of homo lust
And I gave in
Identified as bi
Then said I’m gay and screamed
My cards
So unfair
I wish I could find you
But I don’t know how to look for you
I became a beautiful disaster
Faster
Than sugar dissolving in kool aid
Grape kool aid
Reminds me of those days
When you would touch me in a way
That I didn’t like
Why didn’t I fight
Because I can fight
Instead I just cried
And said God why
Why me
Now I know
I lived through it
To share this testimony
I was ruined
A beautiful ruin
But I was restored
And furthermore
I gained self love
No longer reckless and hurtful
So to all those ruined
My beautiful ruins
You can get through this
I’m a witness to it