Tired

Posted: September 11, 2014 in Blog

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I’ve met a lot of people in my life. I’ve lived in Memphis, Miami, Ft. lauderdale, Washington DC, and currently Atlanta. Social media gives you the opportunity to meet people all over. It can be nice at times. However, the constant scrutiny and judging can be a bit much. I’ve found myself indirectly auditioning for roles in peoples lives and being concerned with meeting someone’s approval. I’m not perfect nor will I ever be, but iam a good guy. I’ve had more than my share of heartbreaks, I’ve had more than my share of fake friends, I’ve had more than my share of not getting past the first week of just trying to get to know someone. A companion and friends sound awesome in theory but honestly it’s draining. I don’t have anymore room to be liked or disliked. I rather create my legacy and live my life and when I transition to the next realm I know I left my purpose here on Earth for others to discover and appreciate. I’ve had more than my fair share of people.

Me and My ART

Posted: September 11, 2014 in Blog

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I felt I had to choose between love and art. I could never really have both. I divorced art and dated. Eventually I longed for my art. Then I had this big idea that it would be dope if I could have a he and we build a legacy and empire together. You know let’s be “On The Run” type shit. “Love & Art” However, all I found was great words with no backing, sexy bodies that they don’t even respect. Yet, I wanted to believe there was someone for me. But I’ve become exhausted on excitements and disappointments. Just me and my art at this point!

So Accepting Being Rejected

Posted: September 11, 2014 in Blog

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It’s something so accepting
After being rejected
Sometimes you don’t get it until there is nothing left to get- we often neglect us when we focus on someone- we lose sight of us because we keep staring at that someone. I’ve been rejected more times than I would like to admit but hey, it happened. However, after each rejection I’ve gathered more information and awareness of me. If you are not careful people can make you feel like something is wrong with you the way they reject you. I live in Atlanta where options are second nature. No one really cares to truly invest because there are so many options, so many possibilities to say NEXT! Leaving you wondering if you will ever meet one that wants just one person. The guy who says he’s not looking is willing to accept everyone. I’m looking for a unicorn (something never seen before but told exist) don’t feel bad if you get rejected take that time to love on yourself more, get closer to you- understand you- know to be ok with a bye from someone who could never be consistent with a hi

Validate Me

Posted: September 11, 2014 in Blog

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It’s funny how people validate their value their worth in comparison to those who they want to be with- u could feel is nothing wrong with u until the one u want rejects u- u can’t help but wonder why didn’t they want me? What do I miss that he wants?

Is it Acceptance?

Posted: September 11, 2014 in Blog

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Is it truly acceptance we seek in the general aspect of or is about being accepted by a particular person. Some people do get us but for whatever reason we don’t accept them. We don’t truly embrace them or their acceptance as if it’s not valid. What do we truly seek? What is it we really want? I met a guy who got me and I got him but we didn’t become anything but text messages and small talk when we run into each other. I ask again when we want to be accepted, when we say we want someone to get us – exactly what are we saying. The writings on the wall that we have found these things but often we reject them. Isn’t it what we wanted? Or is it something else were seeking?

A Real Live Lover

Posted: September 4, 2014 in Uncategorized

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A Real Live Lover

I loved a real live lover one day
And we got tangled up in every way
We fell in love so cold
That our summer froze
We love so hard
That at some point
We didn’t let each other in at all

We use to talk into fights
I still was sold on holding them at night
I felt the pain in their spirit
It was the same as mine
It’s like I mirrored it

I loved a real live lover one day
Totally committed to being with each other every day
Yet some things were hard to say
Some words were hard to hear
Some conversations were laced in fear
Outward and inwardly lied so many tears

We wanted the best for each other
They had daddy issues
I didn’t speak to my mother
We are a product of our home, heart and our hurt
Hurting each other was the last thought
But it’s what happened first

I learned how to cry over them
Couldn’t figure out how to be happy with them
I needed this
And they wanted that
But we both wanted each other
Yet our needs were lost in translation by each other

Sounds like we didn’t make any sense
But our love grew very immense
Larger than life in a sense
At least for me it did
I just wanted happiness with them

I couldn’t find the map
And I never turned down the right street
I got scared for us
My heart started loudly to beat

I didn’t want us to fade
I didn’t want us to break
I didn’t want us to lose our way
To a love with our name on it forever
But we couldn’t get it together

I loved a real live lover one day
And I felt like the luckiest man in the world
Almost to a point I didn’t think it was fair
That I had this love at my disposal
That we equally wanted each other

It was like a dream come true
Or too hard to believe
That my mind started to play tricks on me
Doubt, questions, insecurity, and ego
Was mixed in our relationship
That was hard to let go of

I think we both fought for power
We both pull strings
To take each other higher
And then watch them crash
We wanted to know we felt for each other
Could this really be love at last

We abused a beautiful thing
Not knowingly
But unintentionally
And unfortunately
We ended up here

I cried out for you
You yelled for me
But we grew deaf ears
And became selfish
Fuck the years
Fuck the dream
Of us being this wonderful thing

It was too much
We wasn’t enough
We wasn’t built
For what we built
Let’s not talk about the guilt

Because there’s the day when the dust settles
And you find all theses answers that make it better
But it’s too late
School is out
Only lessons learned
The love has burned

It’s gone
From ashes to ashes
And dust to dust
I loved a real live lover once

I Bleed Ice

Posted: August 28, 2014 in Poems (c)

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I Bleed Ice
©Del Antonio
I bleed ice
Funky cold medina type
I was loved out
Hoped out
Tried out
It was a new day
I didn’t see love for me
I wasn’t looking either
And if u were looking at me for it
I could only give u fever
Take u on a high u never felt before
And I know u think
U heard it all before
But my words
The way I used verbs
And adjectives
Describing you then me
U had no choice but to surrender your attention see
Next stage is u being intrigued
Before u know it
U crave for more
Then more
And more
Of me
U wanted this hallow vacancy
U wanted to somewhat save me
From my bitter thoughts
My frozen ideas of love
I was loved out
Bleeding ice
That funky cold medina type
Say hi
To the baddest dude u’ll ever meet
I can make u feel
When inside I’m empty
U create illusions
Then mentally u have me intruding
Into Ur space, Ur time
U already named a place in Ur heart
And say it was mine
And honestly u still don’t know me
It’s what u hope for me to be
U slipped and fell on an ice berg
U got consumed with the way I used words
How I position verbs
And adjectives
Describing u
Then describing me
But it’s ice I bleed
I’m loved out
I could only be something you fantasize about
Because in the real world
Where real things happen see
I never was into you
U just caught up on ideas about me
It’s ice I bleed